Depress, sad and Heartaches

         If there would be an exact word to describe what am I feeling right now, that would be "miserable". I am in complete misery to night and for past few days. I feel depress and consciously unhappy. I am strong outside but inside, don't mind to ask. I am full of miseries and depresses. I wanted to cry for the things that are happening and to cry why God can't even give me somebody to tell this feelings. Theses thoughts in my brain is killing me and I am in complete vanity and sorrow. I am alive but dead inside. Wake up but asleep inside. I am strong but the fact is I am weak, so weak and I get even weaker and weaker and weaker.
        In life, we can't really wish things to grow smooth always. There will always be rough moments, tough ones and can even make us barely move. I am amidst of a surrender. My heart is crying and I wanna shout that I AM REALLY TIRED. I am tired of fitting myself to people. I am tired asking for love. I am tired for being bad in their eyes. I am tired of being me. Why am I like this? Why can't I be true to myself? Why can't I have people to share my feelings? Why am I always alone in this world? Why?? Why??
      I am building my confidence, trying to smile laugh and go along with people but I can never answer even the simplest question of my own- why do you pretend? I am hurting myself and nobody cares about me. I am alone in this world. Alone.. alone.. alone..